High Anxiety - Not The Movie

I always thought I was ‘sheltered.’ I avoided crowds, parties, new situations, untraversed places, even vending machines because I thought of myself as ‘shy’ and was unable to feel comfortable with things that were new to me. An unfamiliar gas station could almost send me into a panic and when I was close to an empty tank I always hoped & prayed that I could just squeeze a few more miles out of it so that maybe I could get to a station I knew and pump my gas with sheer abandon! I thought I was young. I thought I was inexperienced. I thought it was all a part of growing up. I thought it was NORMAL.

Apparently it is not.

There is a diagnosis for it. But back then I didn’t know what it was.

As I matured, my ‘shyness’ did not diminish. But it did not intensify either. It was just always there – in the background – screaming, “Don’t use that vending machine! You will regret it!” “No! Don’t stop THERE – you have never been THERE before.” “Punch your decorative throw pillow!” “That Taco Bell might be different than the last one – don’t go in!”

Now I am old and my affliction has reared its ugly head with abandon.

The ‘shyness’ was, shall we say, a misdiagnosis on my part. I had/have/has/did/done/do an ‘anxiety disorder.’ It is now full on, balls to the walls, non-stop, want to scream like a monkey 95% of the time – anxiety – and I am proud to say that I have the medication to prove it.

I am speaking of this today because I am in an unfamiliar situation (which is a polite way of saying that I am currently being screwed). Every few seconds I have to stop, breath, and remind myself that it is ok. Calm down.

I never thought I would get to a place in my life when I looked forward to taking ANY medication! But, ahhh, those sweet yellow pills.

Does anyone else need one? I have one more refill left until my new medical plan kicks in and they start charging a prescription deductible. Yay, a monetary reason to take one of my pills!

So many reasons….so few pills….does anyone remember the acronym you are supposed to use that alerts you to the signs of a person having a stroke?

Just wondering.

 

Curve Balls

Has anyone noticed that life throws the most inappropriate curve balls at the worst possible

time and we are expected to take our 3 swings, get called out, and then just get on with

the game. That shit is ridiculous.

Auto Freaking Correct

Auto Coorect Connect Coral CORRECT Dammit

The title above is really what I wanted to title this post, but either blogger.com doesn't want bloggers to put a strike through in the title or I am just too stupid to figure out how to do it. Probably the latter is the correct statement. I probably shouldn't cuss in the title either. I probably shouldn't do A LOT of things I do.

The previous paragraph had nothing to do with what I wanted to post. I have no idea why I feel I have to explain myself all the time. That is probably one of those things I shouldn't do.

I love my iPhone, but have this love/hate relationship with its auto correct feature.

Today's sampling:

 Today 8:47 AM             

My breakfast fig bar                            

was almost all bar and                           

no dog                                                   

                    

 

                          Dog bars?
 

Crap, Autocorrect made                      

fig doc for some reason                      

 

                          Now we are taking the
                         fig bars to a physician? 

SHIT!                 

 

I love my iPhone, but have this love/hate relationship with its auto correct feature.

 

And can anyone tell me where in the world I can find whether the word auto correct is supposed to be autocorrect or auto correct. Stupid freaking auto correct.

Late Night Thoughts

I have been a 'boss' or 'manager' and I have been an 'underling'. A.K.A = peon. 

Having been an 'underling' early on, I learned that should I ever become a 'boss', one of the major things I would do is to make sure that the 'underlings' understood that - while they were not me - the 'BOSS' - they were valued and appreciated for the job that they did. 

As a 'boss' I went out of my way to 'make it so' (Trekkie anyone?). I believed in transparency and honesty and communication with those I commanded. I believed in 'mental health days', and let my 'underlings' know that I did. I believed vacation days and sick days were not just days to build up and get paid for when you leave - but were days to use. I understood that there were days they just could not make it to work - for no real reason - they just didn't want to be at work (i.e. see aforementioned mental health days). The 'underlings' loved me and my work ships always ran smoothly. Mostly because my employees knew I always had their back.

But I grew tired of the 'boss' status. Actually, I grew tired of the 37 moves and 24/7 job demands. When once again I became a 'boss' on move 38, it had worn out its significance.

I just wanted to do my 8 am - 5 pm job and go home. So I took a job with the title - but no real power. Great idea you say - I say what a mistake.

I see the things I used to do for 'underlings' (a.k.a peon - a.k.a now ME) not being done. I live through things I would have NEVER done to those under me.

I want to scream daily. But days in the employment arena are so different. Everyone is 'expendable.' Or so those in power believe and I suppose in the end game - are.

It is sad. It makes me unbelievably sad.

The employment world falls apart all around us because 'degrees' matter more than 'experience' and no one in power seems to understand that just a kind word or a small show of appreciation would mean so much to those under them. This 'antiquated' idea is not in their purview.

Those in charge now assume they are better and smarter than those of my age. We who have been there before. We now stand beside them mute, because they don't care what we have learned during our years of 'experience.' They are sure they are smarter because they have multiple college degrees.

They may be younger and have degrees, but they aren't smarter.

If they only knew what appreciation and loyalty shown to those below them would bring out in those working under their supposed 'leadership.' You don't learn those skills in college - by gaining degrees. If they only knew that just because they have multiple degrees, those degrees do not help them understand what motivates those they oversee.

I know what is lacking, but I don't have multiple degrees and probably in the workforce I am a dinosaur. So I am dismissed.

But I know how to lead. I have been there. I have been successful.

If they only cared to ask...