Thursday, August 18, 2016

Short & Sweet


Today I received an email from a Professor (I work in Higher Ed) and the subject line read: 

“Fan Drive by PSY Club” 

The email went on to state the Psychology Club was collecting fans for senior citizens.  

But as you know, I am a grammar freak and below is where my mind went when I read the subject line. I had to email the professor for clarification! Below is what I sent:

 

“Is this a Fan Drive Sponsored by the PSY Club?

 

Or a Fan Drive By PSY Club – like a fan drove by and shot the club members?

 

Or are we as employees supposed to drive by and shoot fans???

 

I am so confused by your subject line….”

 

I haven’t heard back from him. I wonder why? Inquiring minds need to know!

 

Monday, July 11, 2016

Poignant Words I Wish I Had Said


I have wanted to post about the horrendously terrible situation going on now in the United States. I am mystified why so many people want to hurt or kill innocent people they don’t even know. To me the whole situation smacks of the devil trying to take over the world and laughing at us as we give in to his deceitfulness. The lie that makes individuals believe that taking the lives of others will somehow heal the pain the slayer himself/herself is feeling. It is mind boggling to me.

But – I could not think of the perfect words or even come close to the perfect words – until I read my sister’s blog. Please read it using the link below. The sentiment is magnificently said.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

GEEZ





Sometimes the tiniest of things can make your day a little brighter. Such is the email below. My daughter has been on point with her sarcasm lately (a requirement in our family), but sometimes my sarcastic replies to her are not quite taken as intended, so I decided to make sure this one was understood – maybe I took it too far. Sarah’s answer made me laugh out loud – at work.
Even if you only enjoy this only a smidge of the amount that I enjoyed getting the email – it is worth the post.
------------------------------------------------
From: Mom
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2016 3:25 PM

To: Sarah

Subject: Opal 
Do you remember those opal earrings I sent you from shopgoodwill.com that you liked? They went for $136!!! Needless to say – you aren’t getting them. 
Mom
------------------------------------------------
From: Sarah
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2016 4:15 PM
To: Mom
Subject: RE: Opal
  
GET OUT. That’s crazy!  
I’m not worth $136? I’m so heart broken.  
Thanks,   
Sarah  
------------------------------------------------
From: Mom
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2016 4:21 PM
To: Sarah
Subject: RE: Opal

I NEVER insinuated that your worth was matched against the damn opals…………………………….Geez…………………………………..
I mean GEEZ…………………………………
I mean really – GEEZ……………………………………………………………..
GEEZ-o-Pete…………………………….
GEEZ manetti……………………………….
Holy GEEZ……………………..
Are you GEEZing me????????????????????????
For cracking GEEZ………………………………………                  
Mother of GEEZ…………………….
GEEZ Louise……………………………………
GEEZ Cream Cheese………………………………….
Holy fricking GEEZ………………………………
For the love of GEEZ.........................
Seriously – GEEZ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
:P
Mom
-------------------------------------------------
From: Sarah
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2016 4:22 PM
To: Mom
Subject: RE: Opal
  
 


Thanks,
 
Sarah

------------------------------------------------




One of my FAVORITE quotes of all times – and I have no idea who said it – is:

“Nothing is wasted if it is enjoyed.”

You now have my blessing to go waste some time. GEEZ - ENJOY!




 

 

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Word of The Day



I have been away a long time. It has taken all the energy I have just to get through most days. It is a shame really. But it is the best I can do right now.


I know this blog was supposed to chronicle my quest for happiness. Most days, even still, it eludes me.
But I know there are readers out there that work a job they dislike and are in the same position I am in. Not that my job is bad, it is very cut and dried – if you can add and subtract – which apparently most young college students cannot do.
Because math or critical thinking is apparently not taught in schools anymore, it falls to me to teach these young saplings how to grow into a tree, how to stretch their limbs to reach for the sky, AND how many leaves it is going to cost to do so.
It boggles my mind how many stupid questions I receive in a day. Questions that make me want to yell, “IT – IS – FIRST – GRADE – MATH!” But I am not allowed to do that, so I meekly answer the questions like they are not stupid and simple at all in order to keep this job that makes my blood pressure skyrocket.
On top of the stupid, there is a constant barrage of the attitude from these saplings. They come at us with an immediate attitude that if something is wrong with their student account it is OUR fault – not theirs because THEY couldn’t have possibly done anything wrong or misunderstood any information or added and subtracted erroneously. The arrogance we get from some of these young sprouts makes me wonder if their parents were nonexistent, chewed down by beavers, home to squirrels, or if they were raised by the Hell’s Angels. WTH.
It boggles my mind.
Some persistent unkind students call with the same complaint, excuse, argument, or grievance each semester. They are the ones that really make me wish that I could say what I really think; the ones that are repeatedly sure that every semester we have done something horrible to them by actually charging them tuition and fees with the expectation that they actually have to PAY for college. How dare we! We must be monsters!
One particularly pernicious student comes to mind lately. A student that does not think he has to follow the rules, does not have to do what he says he will do, does not to pay, and then blames US for reminders that his account balance is past due. Because of this behavior he routinely has a hold on his account and cannot register for an upcoming semester.
After he was nasty to my office repeatedly, he then felt the need to expel his nastiness to another employee, charging and blaming us for all kinds of wrong doing and mistreatment.
But you see, sometimes the student picks the wrong person to spew their lies to. Ahhhh, I love it when this happens. Such was the case for this one student. He sent his rant to a friend of mine. One that knew his 5 points of grievances/errors diatribe about what he perceived we had done to him – was not even remotely true.
So she emailed me to ask what to say to him, and she included his original email at the bottom just so I could see how venomous he was. I could not believe the shit he was slinging. We had tried to help him at every turn – yet he did nothing because he believed WE should fix HIS errors.
I wanted so badly to respond to the student with what I thought via our email server about how he really needed to calm the hell down and quit being an jerk, but I could not as I think Big Brother Is Watching Us, so I sent my friend a text. A text that answered all his one liners for how inept he thought we were. It is below:
1. This student and his father are ASSHATS.
2. His remark about no one picking up a telephone in my office is a lie. I bet if he got the voicemail - IT WAS BECAUSE WE WERE ALREADY ON THE PHONE – and I bet he didn't leave a message just so he could complain that he can't ever get a hold of us – because he is an ASSHAT!
3. His remark about ‘they were supposed to fix it last week’ is another fabrication an ASSHAT would tell.
4. HE screwed up his college prepaid plan by choosing the wrong plan and then also became delinquent on payments to that plan – so they would not pay us. He was notified MULTIPLE times over the course of 3 months but did not FIX that error until about 3 weeks ago when he found out he couldn’t register. His dad called and cussed out Lois (name changed to protect victimized), saying we did not do our job, when what was wrong was their own damn fault – another sign of being a total ASSHAT.
5. I received the corrected college prepaid payment today and posted it to his account and took his holds off (because there were MULTIPLE holds on his account – brought on by being an irresponsible ASSHAT)
6. There wasn’t a 6th point from the student but I have to say – just ASSHAT

WOW! Boy that felt good to get off my chest!
Asshat became the word of the day that day....






Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Fat Tuesday & Fat Heartbreak

Happy Fat Tuesday!

While it is Fat Tuesday, including a King Cake, it is definitely not happy.

Today is the day we had to put our beloved dog Bunny to sleep. She was 14; she has not been feeling good for a while, so while I know she is in a better place – we are not. We are heartbroken.

I must let you know that I am a 100% dyed in the wool, bone deep cat person. Bunny was the first dog I have ever had. I only agreed to get her because I was trying to get in good with my soon to be dog loving, cat disliking, new husband. If he would put up with my cats then it was only fair I would let him have a dog.

Since merging our bi-animal household, we have lost some cats. Bear, my adored Siamese being the main one. When he passed away at 19 I believed the only thing that would ever top that pain I felt was losing one of my children.

I was wrong. Horribly wrong.

This by far has been one of the most traumatic loss of a pet I have ever experienced and I was puzzled by that.

I love Bunny, but I still do not consider myself a ‘dog person.’ So I wondered why this death is causing me more pain than any other.

Sometimes answers come in strange ways.

In trying to distract myself from my thoughts I went to the kitchen to unload (and reload) the dishwasher. While doing that I turned around – no one – or should I say no pet – was there. It was odd and that is the moment I realized why this was so hard.

While cats have a laisse faire attitude about being around you – dogs do not. Or at least Bunny did not.

I cannot remember a single time when a family member went into the kitchen that Bunny did not immediately follow them. Admittedly hoping for a treat – but still – she was a fixture! As much a part of the kitchen as the stove, refrigerator and sink. The cats come and go hoping you don’t see them as they run out the door.

The kitchen just won’t be the same without Bunny.

We move to the living room. Bunny was always within glance if you were in the living room; lying in front of the fireplace or by the front storm door. Always there waiting for a sign that you would give her some love – or another treat – or your dinner plate.

Along with her presence came loud snoring if she was sleeping or nose hair burning poots. Maybe I will miss those the most. No need for the Bunny poot fans we purchased now. 

But the cats perch on their tower aloof. Staring at you as if to say – sit near you and your lap? You must be kidding me!

The living room will just never be the same without Bunny.

Then there was the bedroom.

Sleeping with one cat and the Bun was ok. Sleeping with 2 cats and the Bun was passable. Sleeping with 3 cats and the Bun was getting out of hand. But sleeping with 4 cats and the Bun was almost unbearable, so someone had to go. It was not Bunny. As long as she was able, she slept with us in the bed.

The bed won’t be the same without Bunny.

Now we move to mornings – but we come right back to the kitchen story. Although the cats like their morning treats, no one was more excited to get up and get one than Bunny. She nearly danced a jig each morning while seeming to say, “Thanks for the treat! It is going to be a good day isn’t it?!”

Mornings will never be the same.

The cats will never alert us to an intruder – neither man nor beast (we live in the woods).

The cats will never meet us at the truck when we come home from a day’s journey just to say, "YAY! You are home!"

The cats will never roll over just waiting for a tummy rub every time you walk by them.

No place in this home will be the same without Bunny.

Bunny was ALWAYS there ready to give love. The cats will take – but very rarely give. That is what cats do. I expect that. But that is why a dog is just so different.

So I have learned that cats are not dogs and that I am now keenly aware of why they call them ‘man’s best friend.’ In my case, a woman’s best friend too.

I learned with that flash of insight at the kitchen sink, why this is so difficult.

Bunny has no idea how much you will be missed.

I told her before she was gone to go play with Bear. They loved each other. Bunny, will you say “Hi” to Puppy too?

Thank you for 14 fun filled years.

Bunny - in the kitchen - where most of her pictures were taken.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

4 Cats & 12 Days

The holiday season is upon us. As I told you, I have 4 cats and apparently they are VERY excited this year about Christmas. They watched intently as the lights were put up, stared enraptured at the trimming of the tree, and reverently watched the placing of the nativity scene – BUT – they don’t fool me! All they were doing was casing the joint so that when no one was looking they could have their fun with the inside winter wonderland AND bring all their outside friends in to join in the fun. Well, sort of join in. I guess it is more like become an additional decoration.

I know it is not time for the 12 days of Christmas, but my cats were too excited this year and just couldn’t wait.

The Twelve Days of Having Cats at Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
A big clump of thrown up hairball 

On the second day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the third day of Christmas my cats brought to me:
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the fourth day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
4 baby birds
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the fifth day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
5 spots of pee
4 baby birds
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the sixth day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
6 bows unraveled
5 spots of pee
4 baby birds
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the seventh day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
7 chunks of garland
6 bows unraveled
5 spots of pee
4 baby birds
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the eighth day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
8 fish from my pond
7 chunks of garland
6 bows unraveled
5 spots of pee
4 baby birds
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the ninth day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
9 broken ornaments
8 fish from my pond
7 chunks of garland
6 bows unraveled
5 spots of pee
4 baby birds
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the tenth day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
10 frogs NOT leaping
9 broken ornaments
8 fish from my pond
7 chunks of garland
6 bows unraveled
5 spots of pee
4 baby birds
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the eleventh day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
11 filthy paw prints
10 frogs NOT leaping
9 broken ornaments
8 fish from my pond
7 chunks of garland
6 bows unraveled
5 spots of pee
4 baby birds
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball 

On the twelfth day of Christmas my sweet cats brought to me:
12 half-dead lizards
11 filthy paw prints
10 frogs NOT leaping
9 broken ornaments
8 fish from my pond
7 chunks of garland
6 bows unraveled
5 spots of pee
4 baby birds
3 headless moles
2 biting fleas
And another clump of thrown up hairball
I hope you have as much fun this season as I am having!


Monday, November 23, 2015

Losing


If you don’t follow NASCAR, or watch morning TV, or read the paper, or cruise the interwebs, or listen to the radio, you do not know that:

 Jeff Gordon did NOT win last night.

There were only 4 drivers vying for the championship and he came in third.

You know who won?

The person I most despise in the history of not liking certain drivers as long as I have known about NASCAR.

He is an arrogant, mean spirited; creep of a human and I wouldn’t care if I never heard his name ever again. That is how much I loathe him.

So how does all this fit into my rantings of last week?

I am not sure.

It is like trying to trying to reconcile the difference between God losing to the Devil and I don’t know where to go with it.

But I did learn something.

Number One:  Like I said earlier, you should never bargain with God.

Number Two:  It is a dumb idea to base life altering decisions on something as senseless as a sporting event.

Number Three:  I believe now that I really, really just WANTED Jeff to win. Church had nothing to do with it.

Number Four:  Now I have to find another excuse if I don’t want to go to church because the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, and my husband stated that he refuses to let me use him as a reason anymore!

Number Five:  God must not care that much about NASCAR.

Maybe He had bigger things on His mind last night.

Maybe He just wanted me to come to the realization that church attendance cannot be bartered and if I DO attend, it must simply be because I want to – not because someone won a trophy.

But today, my head is still reeling by trying to make sense of who did win, and the jury is still out. I will let you know the verdict when I come to it.

Thank you for reading.