I Need A Higher Class of Friends

I am around many people. Family and friends. I hear so many things that make no sense. I wonder sometimes if I need new friends. I did realize I should have started writing them down sooner because the list would be longer. But here are a few I do remember:

She is living out her fantasies through this squirrel. (WTH?) 

Dammit, your watermelon face made me spill my sangria! (Seriously, the watermelon had a face) 

My chickens won’t go back into the TV. (Their favorite show must not have been on)

The frogs did this? (Said about FOG. 3 year olds say the cutest things)

I am up the roof and I don’t know where I am! (No GPS?)

What do you mean you didn’t get the lawn mower? How am I going to make the pie?

OMG! Too much coffee!! Now I can see noises!! (Yes, this was me) 

They tore down the gas station? Now where am I going to get pecans? (I am not eating anything this person cooks)

Wait just a second. I have to get my elephant out of the car. (How big of a car does this person have?) 

BananaJesus (Everyone should have a banana in their car) 

Princesses do NOT play in the toilet. (But 4 year olds do)

 

Come to think of it, mostly these were said by people in my family. Maybe my friends are not the problem! :)