Rocks and Wrists and Monkey Kissed

There was an accident in my family this weekend. It ended with a severely broken wrist. I cringe in pain just thinking about it. I cringe thinking about sitting in the waiting room forever – as is standard practice at hospitals. I think they do that so you have a long time to think about what you have done and how you never will do it again. It is their version of your mom's time-out. Unless - you were randomly attacked by some psycho that nearly kills you because then you clearly have nothing really to contemplate about what YOU have done because you were just walking around humming a tune in your head about what a beautiful day it was until this asshole came out of nowhere and attacked you; but then you have to think about how you are going to prosecute the mother fucker and take them for everything they have got unless they have nothing because they are a career criminal and they do this stuff all the time because they really don’t care and would do it to you again if you take them to court and look them in the eye and besides they want to go back to jail anyway because they feel safe there. But that almost never happens in my family,

I cringe thinking about how no pain medication was given during the ER visit. Even though they asked you if you wanted some! They like to play with patients like that. "Let us get you some morphine to ease your suffering - oops! never mind, we forgot because we had to go get coffee in the cafeteria to keep us awake because we have been on duty for 48 hours and we needed a pick me up. Why did I come in here? Wait, who are you again?"

I cringe thinking about the Chinese finger torture devise (you know that toy you used to trick your friends with where you can put your finger in – but can't get it out?) used to lift her wrist up while a nurse pushed down on her bicep as the doctor twisted to set the bone. This is exactly why people pass out in the hospital! You think it was torture getting hurt!? It is a wonder more doctors and nurses don’t get decked while they are trying to help. The agony inflicted by people you have to pay to have the problem fixed is 10 times worse than the original injury! I am sure it is why lawyers call it ‘pain and suffering' when you want to sue them for malpractice or negligence or them just being an holier than thou jackass. Pain is the injury itself – suffering is having to part with large amounts of your hard earned cash to pay them while they look at you smugly thinking, “Wow, what did this idiot do to break their wrist! I certainly would never let this happen.” They wink at you like they are God (or a Goddess) because they went to college for a hundred years longer than mere mortal people and can repair body parts. Like that is a big deal! I could teach myself in a couple hours. They charge you A LOT because I personally think they are trying to pay off their student loans – or buy a yacht. The next thing you know you we are going to have to pay the doctor AND pick up their dry cleaning.

But mostly I cringe at the fact that this beloved individual thinks that somehow SHE is the idiot and that she should have totally prevented this whole thing. That she feels stupid and inept. Hardly. I told her that is why they call it an ACCIDENT. Because sometimes you have no control over what fate hands you. Fate handed her a broken wrist, for no particular reason, just because it felt like it. Maybe she needed some rest. Maybe she needed her family to swarm around her and show her just how much they love her. Maybe, just maybe she needed me to buy her a swinging solar monkey. It is my 'monkey kiss' to her. Quit being so hard on yourself – it could happen to ANYONE!

Well, except for me, I don’t have that kind of time or money and I already have a solar monkey.