Coffee & Jeff Gordon

Since I have let you in on the insanity that permeates my grey matter about Jeff Gordon, I thought I would give you an update of the crazy that my mind jumps to, in that regard, in quiet moments of the morning.

It was a dark and stormy morning. (Heh, heh. I love that line) Really though, it was raining. I was in the hot tub as usual. No cats this time, the rain was harshing their morning walkabout buzz. So I was alone. Alone with my thoughts.

AND THEY WENT RIGHT BACK TO JEFF GORDON. Shit.

Like I didn’t have 16 million other things I should be thinking about.

My thought stream went in this direction – Jeff Gordon winning, possibly going to church again, the fact that I had gone to church most of my life, the raising of my daughter in church, the raising of my son not so much in church, the 3 of us travelling so much when they were younger, and the prayer we used to say (I still say) at the beginning of every journey.

Here it is:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for allowing us to go on this trip. (Always start out a prayer with a word of thanks. In my mind it butters God up for what you are going to ask him to do next!)

Please put your hands on the engine and keep it running smoothly. Keep it running exactly like the manufacturer designed it to run. (Seriously, I do not expect God to put his hand on the hot ass engine, but I don’t know how else to phrase it.)

Also, please keep the tires rolling smoothly. Please let them grip the road exactly as they were designed to do. Let there be no implosions, explosions, flats, or hydroplaning. (Yes, I try to cover ALL the bases.)

Please put your guardian angels roundabout the car so that we touch nothing and nothing touches us. (A polite way to say I DON’T WANT TO GET IN AN ACCIDENT!)

Help us to get to –‘insert destination’ – quickly, safely, and with no problems what-so-ever. (That is where, in my mind, I am including speeding tickets without coming right out and saying – Hey God, I am going to speed – please don’t let any cops see me do it! After all, I had impressionable children in the car with me.)

Thank you so much for everything. (Always end a prayer with gratitude too – just saying.)

In Jesus name, Amen.

There you have it. My no fail, never have a problem, travel prayer. Pretty nifty don’t you think?

And now I will let you in on why I recited it to you. Because remember, this is really about Jeff Gordon.

Somehow my warped intellect thought – “Hey, if that prayer has worked for you all these years, why don’t you try it for JEFF GORDON? He is IN A CAR after all!”

I know what you are thinking – WHY THAT IS SHEER GENUIS! (If you aren’t, you should be)

Jeff needs a ‘clean’ race to win. ‘A clean race’ is NASCAR speak for a race with no problems.

A car, a long, fast drive and the need to have no problems! Why WOULDN’T you think of my prayer?!

So this is how the prayer morphed this morning with only ½ of cup of coffee in me, while it was raining, and I was distracted by the fact that I was alone outside and 2 prisoners had just escaped the day before in my town and were still on the loose and I had no cats to guard my safety. (Which is why this all makes perfect sense now, right?)

Dear Lord,

Thank you for allowing Jeff Gordon (if you don’t say the whole name of the person you are praying for, God might think it was any random Jeff that may be on the race track!) to be in the Championship race Sunday. (See – I started with gratitude!)

Please put your hands on his #24 car and keep it running smoothly. Keep it running exactly like Hendrick Motorsports designed it to run.

Also, please keep his tires rolling smoothly. Please let them grip the track exactly as they were designed to do. Let there be no implosions, explosions, flats, or hydroplaning.

Please help his pit crew change his tires and give his car gas with record speed. Don’t let there be any loose or lost lug nuts, no bad track bar adjustments, and not too many pit crew over the wall – no problems what-so-ever.

Please put your guardian angels roundabout Jeff’s car so that he touches nothing and nothing touches him.

Help him be the first to go across the finish line, safely, and with no problems. Let him win his last race so he can be the champion in his final season and go out on top!

Thank you so much for everything you have done for me and I would be totally grateful if you answered this prayer. (Here’s the gratitude again – because you know – it will sway HIM to do what I want)

In Jesus name, Amen.

This incident tells me too things. I know too much about NASCAR and I should NEVER get into the hot tub before having 2 cups of coffee.

See you Sunday!