Monday, December 16, 2013

What a Day Looks Like In My World

What am I thankful for today? I am thankful that my hot tub smelled like a hot tub today because I put new chemicals in it and not like I was soaking in some funky old wet sock. Which I had been doing for days if you must know.

What did I hate about today? That I had several random bangs that kept floating in front of my eyes and that I didn't have scissors to whack those annoying things off.

What would I change about today? I would make my Jeep some sort of time machine and warp back 20 years ago and slap myself in the face and say "WAKE UP!" If I told you what for, I would have to do away with you.

What would I leave the same about today? How much my husband loves me, although I don't know why because if he knew all my deepest darkest secrets he would probably turn me over to some psychiatrist who would then make a fortune after he wrote a book about the "3 Evils of Rachelle." The book would be so wildly popular that someone would want to make a movie about it and the psychiatrist would consent and make a fortune - which he would keep - because my family would unknowingly have signed away their rights because the psychiatrist was unscrupulous and lied about the paper they were signing. All the while I would be locked away in a sanitarium because I kept screaming, "Don't sign away our rights!" The deceitful (but wealthy) doctor would not let my family see me because of my "state of mind" and just keep ordering more shock treatments so I would forget what I was trying to tell my family while I was screaming! IF he hadn't first gone stark raving mad after I told him my secrets...either scenario could totally happen you know.

What did I wish would happen today? That some rich human passed peacefully in his/her sleep and left me 1/2 (or more) of his/her fortune or someone very close to me won the lottery and gave me most of it (because I deserve it since I am strapped to my bed in the psycho ward screaming - people feel sorry for people who scream nonsense all the time) so I could buy my own personal island where I could frolic in the sun & sand until I forgot why I was there or why I had been screaming so much. I would only invite family members because they would come and tell me how wonderful I was because I had invited them to my island. We would play games and laugh and laugh at people that didn't own their own island. Then we would eat pie.

What really did happen today? I went to work.

I know what you are thinking - Boy this person really knows how to live. It is true. Try not to be too envious.