Grammar?

Today is the last day of work before we are off for the holidays. I work at a university. We educate students and grant Associates, Bachelors, and Masters degrees. They say we educate. I am not so sure it includes the English language and grammar? Why you ask? Because here are some excerpts from emails my coworker and I have received today from students:


'Fall semester and spring semester me as well as a friends of mine had been enrolled in the same classes however mine tuition is higher than hers. Her tuition be saying RN-bsn or nursing and mines says undergrad but we is in the same classes! And mine is more spensive by over 1000 dollars.'

'Is my student loans showing up on there and do I suppose to complete my masters promissory note ?'

'Can you let me know when y'all be closed?'

'I looked at my account and I don't see any fineantial aids on my account. Also, is the liabary closed?' (I am assuming they are speaking of Financial Aid and the Library)

I could go on and on, but I will let it rest for now.

2 hours and 45 minutes to go.........

Wish me luck.

The 12 days of Employment

A couple of years ago I remade the "Twelve Days of Christmas" song/poem into something more appropriate for my house. (4 Cats & 12 Days) Well this year, we have added 2 dogs to the mix and the chaos makes my head hurt so I won't beat a dead poem about that. BUT, my employment has also taken on a new life this year. It also makes my head hurt, but I just couldn't resist.

On the 1^st day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

A new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 2^nd day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 3^rd day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 4^th day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

4 screaming patrons,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 5^th day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

5 closed doors…

4 screaming patrons,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 6^th day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

6 catalog changes,

5 closed doors…

4 screaming patrons,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 7^th day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

No holiday bonus,

6 catalog changes,

5 closed doors…

4 screaming patrons,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 8^th day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

100 unanswered emails,

No holiday bonus,

6 catalog changes,

5 closed doors…

4 screaming patrons,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 9^th day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

9 contracts for signing,

100 unanswered emails,

No holiday bonus,

6 catalog changes,

5 closed doors…

4 screaming patrons,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 10^th day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

42 voicemails,

9 things for signing,

100 unanswered emails,

No holiday bonus,

6 catalog changes,

5 closed doors…

4 screaming patrons,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,
and new way to send out an invoice.

 On the 11^th day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

11 policy revisions,

42 voicemails,

9 things for signing,

100 unanswered emails,

No holiday bonus,
6 catalog changes,

5 closed doors…

4 screaming patrons,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice. 

On the 12^th day of Christmas my employer brought to me,

12 employee breakdowns,

11 policy revisions,

42 voicemails,

9 things for signing,

100 unanswered emails,

No holiday bonus,

6 catalog changes,

5 closed doors…

4 screaming patrons,

3 new reports,

Work that was not mine,

and new way to send out an invoice.

Happy Christmas to all.

Power

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

                                                   John Lehman

Unless we are talking about US politicians.....

Muttering

Hello,


Happy Tuesday. I want so badly to have something to say today, but my brain is not cooperating at all.


"Please think of something cute, sassy, or funny to say," I tell my brain.


"Not a chance sister," it replies.


"Come on, I am begging you here," I answer back.


"HAHAHA!" my brain replies mockingly. "Not a scrap of any of those thoughts will I give you today - deal with it," it continues.


"Brat!" I scream as I fall to the floor crying and curling into a fetal position.


The people I work with all rushed into my office when they heard me fall and asked if they needed to call someone - like a doctor - or a psychiatrist? They also asked why I was talking to myself.


I was too lost in my sobs to really answer them. All I could do was repeat over and over, "Stupid, stupid brain, you're an asshole!"


My coworkers all walked away shaking their heads and muttering about how they were sure I need a vacation.


I am quite sure I do....

Fallen Short

Well, I think it obvious that I have fallen short of my daily posting goal. A lot has happened. A lot is happening. But none of it worthy of posting. Today I do have this joke.



A tourist visiting Vienna was going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he heard music. No one was around so he started to search for the source. He finally located the origin of the music and found that it was coming from a grave with a headstone that read:

Beethoven

1770-1827

He then realized that the music he was hearing is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it was being played backwards! He was puzzled and as he left he decided to persuade a friend to return with him to make sure he wasn't losing his mind. When he and his friend returned to the grave, the music had changed. This time they heard the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous music, it too was being played backwards! 

Curious, they agreed to consult a music scholar. When they returned with the expert, the Fifth Symphony was being played, backwards! The scholar noticed that according to the men's story the symphonies were being played in the reverse order that they had been composed: the Ninth, the Seventh, then the Fifth.

By the next day, word had spread around the town and a huge crowd had gathered at the grave. They now were listening to the Second Symphony being played backwards. Just then, the graveyard's caretaker came up to the group. He asked the crowd what they were doing and someone asked him if he had an explanation about the music.

"Don't you understand?" the caretaker asked incredulously. "He is decomposing!"

That is funny, I don't care who you are.....