Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Like The Corners of My Mind

It is amazing to me how life trudges on; and days turn into weeks, then months, then years and you come to believe that things that happened 30 years ago (or more) are dealt with and filed away in the file cabinet in the back of your brain that is marked – Too Old To Dredge Up – Not Important Anymore.

But then something happens NOW and somehow one of those drawers in that file cabinet in the back of your brain gets jerked open and the memory or memories that were long ago tucked away, come flooding back like the circumstances had happened only moments ago. You feel it ALL – all over again.

The file cabinet is no respecter of whether you want to remember. It just brings the file card of memories up to the forefront of your mind and sticks it to the emotion center of your brain with a tack and shouts – HA! Now deal with it – again.

I have too much to do to be side tracked in this manner today. But I can’t stop the flood. If I had some Gorilla Glue I would take those memories, make sure they were filed safely in the file cabinet and Gorilla Glue it shut. I would post a sign on the cabinet that would read – Do Not Open. Although, actually you couldn’t anyway because Gorilla Glue is AWESOME at sticking things together permanently. (Think Siamese goldfish – that weren’t actually born that way. And yes, they can live for a while like that.)

I won’t divulge exactly what I am talking about as I don’t want to open the drawer of the locked away memories for anyone else. Keep smiling and just keep swimming, just keep swimming…

Monday, September 22, 2014

I Need A Higher Class of Friends

I am around many people. Family and friends. I hear so many things that make no sense. I wonder sometimes if I need new friends. I did realize I should have started writing them down sooner because the list would be longer. But here are a few I do remember:

She is living out her fantasies through this squirrel. (WTH?) 

Dammit, your watermelon face made me spill my sangria! (Seriously, the watermelon had a face) 

My chickens won’t go back into the TV. (Their favorite show must not have been on)

The frogs did this? (Said about FOG. 3 year olds say the cutest things)

I am up the roof and I don’t know where I am! (No GPS?)

What do you mean you didn’t get the lawn mower? How am I going to make the pie?

OMG! Too much coffee!! Now I can see noises!! (Yes, this was me) 

They tore down the gas station? Now where am I going to get pecans? (I am not eating anything this person cooks)

Wait just a second. I have to get my elephant out of the car. (How big of a car does this person have?) 

BananaJesus (Everyone should have a banana in their car) 

Princesses do NOT play in the toilet. (But 4 year olds do)
Come to think of it, mostly these were said by people in my family. Maybe my friends are not the problem! :)

Monday, September 15, 2014

The List - BYOB

I have been away for a while; both physically and mentally. Most people who know me would say that I am always away mentally. If I am lucky, on a good day, that is true.

My mother turned 80 over Labor Day. My sister threw a birthday bash that will live in the annals of the family history. Fun and frivolity were abundant between family members; except with the 80 year old guest of honor. She doesn’t get humor. She used to get our humor a little, but those grey matter cells are long gone – to church (another story, never mind). Anyway, in those few days I learned a lot. A lot about what makes my sister great, what makes me great, and what makes mom a control freak. I thought it would be a good idea to assemble a list for you so you will understand.


1.       Manage money

2.       Sewing

3.       Parenting

4.       Cooking

5.       Always seeing the world as a glass half full

6.       Loving dogs

7.       Never cusses in front of other humans

8.       Refrains from saying mean things about others (she may think them – but she never says   them)

9.       Loving the outdoors

10.   Putting up with bullshit with a smile on her face


1.       Organization

2.       Cleaning the house

3.       Baking pies

4.       Holding my liquor

5.       Loving cats

6.       Being objective

7.       Saying out loud what I think (you always know where you stand with me)

8.       Stopping bullshit


1.       Everything

She is a legend in her own mind on the details of the best way to do EVERYTHING and she is not afraid to tell you. Being around her is precisely when I check out mentally. It helps when you are around her to pretend you aren’t listening. Well, that, AND the liquor and valium.