Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Muttering

Hello,


Happy Tuesday. I want so badly to have something to say today, but my brain is not cooperating at all.


"Please think of something cute, sassy, or funny to say," I tell my brain.


"Not a chance sister," it replies.


"Come on, I am begging you here," I answer back.


"HAHAHA!" my brain replies mockingly. "Not a scrap of any of those thoughts will I give you today - deal with it," it continues.


"Brat!" I scream as I fall to the floor crying and curling into a fetal position.


The people I work with all rushed into my office when they heard me fall and asked if they needed to call someone - like a doctor - or a psychiatrist? They also asked why I was talking to myself.


I was too lost in my sobs to really answer them. All I could do was repeat over and over, "Stupid, stupid brain, you're an asshole!"


My coworkers all walked away shaking their heads and muttering about how they were sure I need a vacation.


I am quite sure I do....

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Fallen Short

Well, I think it obvious that I have fallen short of my daily posting goal. A lot has happened. A lot is happening. But none of it worthy of posting. Today I do have this joke.



A tourist visiting Vienna was going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he heard music. No one was around so he started to search for the source. He finally located the origin of the music and found that it was coming from a grave with a headstone that read:

Beethoven
1770-1827

He then realized that the music he was hearing is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it was being played backwards! He was puzzled and as he left he decided to persuade a friend to return with him to make sure he wasn't losing his mind. When he and his friend returned to the grave, the music had changed. This time they heard the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous music, it too was being played backwards! 

Curious, they agreed to consult a music scholar. When they returned with the expert, the Fifth Symphony was being played, backwards! The scholar noticed that according to the men's story the symphonies were being played in the reverse order that they had been composed: the Ninth, the Seventh, then the Fifth.

By the next day, word had spread around the town and a huge crowd had gathered at the grave. They now were listening to the Second Symphony being played backwards. Just then, the graveyard's caretaker came up to the group. He asked the crowd what they were doing and someone asked him if he had an explanation about the music.

"Don't you understand?" the caretaker asked incredulously. "He is decomposing!"



That is funny, I don't care who you are.....

Monday, November 20, 2017

Paleo

My daughter sent me a picture of her holiday gluten-free, Paleo approved pumpkin pie yesterday. I totally got the gluten-free, but I was unsure how a pie became 'Paleo', so at work today I asked someone I work with, who is a strict Paleo dieter, what made a pie 'Paleo.' She explained to me that it means, no flour, no dairy. Ok, got it.


Then she relayed this Thanksgiving story that I thought was hysterical. So I am passing it on.


She told me that she made a dark chocolate dessert to take with her to a family gathering a few years back so that she would have a dessert that she could eat after their big Thanksgiving Day meal. She thought if she brought a Paleo dessert she would not be tempted with all the other fabulous sweets at the table.


She said it consisted of dark chocolate, maple syrup, and something else she said she could not remember.


After dinner, everyone was too full to indulge in dessert, so they relaxed or went outside or played family games.


The hostess of the party, as my coworker tells it, had an ant problem, so the hostess put the desserts in the oven (unheated), so that no ants could get to the desserts before the party goers did.


Well, that plan unfortunately failed. When they went to retrieve their desserts from the oven, the ants had found them and were carting off little ant mouthfuls of the delicious creations - all except from my coworkers dessert. The ants had not gone near it.


The hostess turned to my coworker and said, "See Ann, even the ants won't touch your stuff!!"


I am glad Ann laughed. I laughed too. But it made me realize I am definitely not a Paleo Diet candidate!


Happy Monday!

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Fishing?

This is what I did today:


I do not like to fish, nor do I eat fish. This was all for my husband and his 60th birthday.

Happy Early Birthday!!

Happy Eating!!

I am going to eat noodles. It seems like a fair trade! :)

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Message

I think I speak for multiple people when I say:


Dear Customer,


I am sorry you did not get me this morning on the phone but I was working with another customer that was standing in my office. I was also with other people when you called 3 more times in less than 15 minutes. Not one of those times did you leave me a message.


When you then called another department multiple times to have them transfer you to me  - and they did - you also did not leave a message on my phone.


Calling yet another department and telling someone to 'give me a message that I needed to call you as soon as possible' is not appropriate. Why did you give them a message, but did not leave one on my telephone? I am the person you need to speak to - not anyone in any other department.


Later, you called a completely different department and had them email me that I needed to call you because it was very important that you make a payment today.


Now, I do not know your situation and why it was of UTMOST importance that a payment be made today, since it isn't due for 2 weeks and it can be made online like your other payments were, but dear persistent caller, you do not know my situation either.


Did you know that today I am the ONLY PERSON in my department. Did you know I had meetings? Did you care that I was very busy today and that IF you had left me a message on my phone, I probably would have tried to call you back. ONE message is all that was required. But you didn't leave that one message.


You chose to round robin every department in this office and in doing so, your constant interruptions made it frustrating as I was trying to get other things done. It also made it highly unlikely that you will get a call today. There is such a thing as patience. You are not entitled to be served the minute you reach out. Sometimes, life doesn't happen that way. You are not the only person in this world.


Badgering does nothing but provoke, and in this case, the squeaky wheel will not get the grease.


Signed,


Overworked, Overwhelmed Employee

Monday, November 13, 2017

Test

I have a test tonight.

A quantitative statistics test.



Quantitative statistics uses words like:

Non-Referenced test

Inferential statistic

Dependent variable

Distractors

Quasi-Experimental

Threats to Validity

Reactive Arrangements

Design notation



I use words like:


Compare scores to a larger group

What the hell?

The group of people you are testing

Who the hell knows?

You have got to be kidding me!

We are back to what a reactive arrangement is


Please just make it stop...

R1 X1 O1 (is that a Greek fraternity?)



You see my dilemma. This form of statistics uses different words in different situations, but in the end, they all mean the same thing! Why? Why not pick ONE word and stick to it.

I love my 4.0 GPA. I have about 1 hour ½ to continue to love it, because after this test – I won’t have a 4.0 anymore.

Wish me luck!

 


































































Thursday, November 9, 2017

Do You Feel Like This?

This is when I will get to retire....




I hope your luck is better than mine.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Juggler


I literally told my boss today that my office ‘just couldn’t do one more thing’ than we are already doing - as he was telling me the new thing he wanted us to do. He did not like that answer.

But I have hit my plateau. I have run out of steam. I am on the backside of the hill. I am on the dark side of the moon. I am over it.

One person can only juggle so many balls before they start to drop them.

I cannot keep juggling forever.


Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Lunch with Friends

I usually go to lunch with my husband. We eat and go run an errand during my 1 hour of freedom from work. It is like date night every afternoon!


Today I went with 2 friends of mine. They are hilarious. We all are hilarious.


Sometimes a joker trumps a heart.....for lunch.















Monday, November 6, 2017

Monday

Been sick.


Terrific followed by sick.


Never get too excited about terrific because it is always followed by sick.

Monday, October 30, 2017

Terrific

The weekend was terrific!


My husband is terrific!


My sister is terrific!


The fun we had was terrific!


Antiquing and going to the antique tractor show was terrific!


The 24 hours of a life size dragon were totally terrific!


The Siamese cat lamp my sister bought me is totally terrific!


The gifts and cards and phone calls were - you guessed it - terrific!


Turning 60 - not so terrific....


Although, a friend at work today told me that his old boss used to say, "It is better to be 60 and have halitosis than not to be 60 and have no breath at all."


Is the saying terrific??? Or just weird.....







Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Florida Welcomes You - Time Does Not


This may be a longer than normal post.


I went to St. Augustine – as you know – this weekend. On the way to that destination – or any destination that I have to take 19 South to get to – I go by an old welcome station situated at the Florida line. It is old, and neglected, and uncared for. And it breaks my heart.


I want to find who owns it, buy it, and restore it to its former glory. A place to welcome people in with a smile, orange juice, a picnic table, and a bathroom. A place that makes them feel glad that they stopped. But I can’t and it makes me even sadder every time I pass it and see one more vine growing up a wall, one more window broken, and one more piece of history fall apart.


You see, I am old enough to remember when welcome stations like this one were alive. Travelers stopped at these places hoping to get a cool drink (orange juice for FL), stretch their weary bones for a moment, eat a picnic lunch, and/or yes, go to the restroom.


These places were a happy respite from the monotony that sometimes came with traveling.


I know you are thinking, “Big deal – they have those now.” And you are right, giant interstate monstrosities that smell of sweat, old vending machine food, and dirty bathrooms. Sure you can picnic, if you want to sit at dirty tables with trash scattered around them from the previous picnicker who was too lazy to make it to the trash can. Oh, let us not forget the diesel fuel smell from the semis. But Florida still has orange juice. Hooray!?


That picture of a welcome station is a world away from the picture of a welcome station from that long ago time that I keep in my head: and not in a good way.


I miss those welcome stations. What am I talking about? I miss that whole era. 


It was a time when people had manners, everyone was not angry at the world, houses could be painted pink and still be upscale (think “Sandlot”), children could go out and play in the neighborhood without their mom knowing where they were every second because there just weren’t that many maniacs lurking in the bushes hoping for easy prey, we didn’t have to check our Halloween candy for hurtful things before we ate it. Life just felt lighter! Happier. Easier. Less frightening.


So, on this trip, I stopped and took some pictures of this derelict oasis of my past. It reminds me of when there was hope in the world. I realized it reminds me of when I had hope.

Where did it all go?


I took pictures of the picnic tables and the building – or rather a picture of side of the building. 


When I went to take a picture of the front of the building, I could not. All I could see when I looked at the front was my face. Both building and person faltering, cracking, decaying, losing itself in vines – losing itself in the years. 


In my mind I could still see what it had been – what I had been – and now I saw how time had ravaged its warmth, its spirit, its joy. In that, I saw me too, and I had to drive away.

Florida Welcomes you Now....the name has been changed to protect the innocent.





Monday, October 23, 2017

Monday Again

Had a GREAT weekend. Too bad it had to slide into Monday and involve going to work. I advocate for a three day weekend and no more Mondays.

Although, I suppose, we would just start to hate Tuesdays in the same manner that we now hate Mondays. I do not want to do that to Tuesday. 

Never mind.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Past, Present, & Future

Tomorrow I will be travelling to St. Augustine to meet up with a very good friend of mine. It took 2 years, but we finally got tickets to go see the Avett Brothers. WHOO HOO!! GIRL'S WEEKEND!!!

Because of that, I am posting for today and pre-posting for the days I will not have a computer handy. Thus the title.

Past: At 2:00 o’clock today in a meeting at work, an enemy was defeated, and an evil, thoughtless, unreasonable, & crazy plan was foiled – for now. It was a small win – but a win none the less. Oh, and thank you son for helping with my homework. I could not have done it without you! Enjoy the candy corn! :)

Present: I am packing and getting ready for the aforementioned trip – while I open an inordinate number of birthday cards from the most wonderful sister on the planet.

Future Friday: St. Augustine! I love St. Augustine! What a cool house from AirBNB! So great to see you Chrissy! I miss you so much!

Future Saturday: Boy we had fun in downtown St. Augustine today! Chrissy is the best. The Avett Brother’s concert was AMAZING!

Future Sunday: Hopefully TBA!!!


Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Young, Dumb, & Broke

Apparently, this song can spill over to college students too:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPfJnp1guPc


I deal with this every day. I wish I didn't have to.

This is the future........




Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Too Many Meetings

Today, I have nothing. I had so many meetings today, that even usually non-vocal coworkers commented on the number of hours I was not in my office.

AND - all those meetings could have actually just been an email...

AND - I have such bad internet service at my house, I cannot even get a cute meme to load. 

W.T.F....

Monday, October 16, 2017

Play the Horses

My sister posted a funny post about the cost of things and what she remembers our dad always saying.


https://gracefulgrandma.blogspot.com/2017/10/how-much-is-it.html?showComment=1508174922516#c5536145626877809415 


She almost nailed it too - with one exception. On the rare occasion we went out to eat dad would always say, "You can have anything you want as long as it doesn't cost over a dollar."


I think he said that if we went to the Five & Ten cent store too. (Most of you people don't even know what that is anymore. Think Dollar Tree, only 50 years ago)


No wait, I think the 5 & 10 was our Grandmother. God love her. She would buy us a toy and even put a nickel or a dime in the mechanical horse, or train, or car, or wagon, or spaceship and let us ride for a few minutes.


That is the kind of wealth I thought I would have by now. Like my sister, I thought that by the time we reached this age we wouldn't have to worry about every nickel, or dime, or horse, or spaceship. We would have the 'Ride the Mechanical Thing at Any Price' kind of wealth.


I was wrong. So now I tell myself that I can have anything I want as long as it doesn't cost more than a dollar.


Here's to spending big...







Friday, October 13, 2017

Just By The Hair of My Chiny Chin Chin

I almost didn't make it today. Working 2 jobs in one day will do that to a body sometimes.

Thought for the day?

Being ‘over whelmed’ is different than just being ‘whelmed.’ Why is ‘whelmed’ not a word, or a thing, or a place to be.

Definition of ‘whelmed’: A feeling that you have more to do than you have time to complete, but yet, not enough to set you off in a full-fledged panic.

Just too much to do, infused with your own personal small time frame in which to complete it.

Today (and possibly in the future) I am ‘whelmed’ - and I don't know what to do with that.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Prayer

Dear Lord, help me not to be stupid today.
Give me wisdom in everything that I do.
If I do make a mistake, please forgive me,
And teach me not to do it again.
Amen


Rich Praytor
"A Stand-Up Comic Sits Down With Jesus"


Monday, October 9, 2017

4 in 1


You may think I already lost my drive to post daily since I haven’t posted since last Thursday, but really I haven't. I was quite literally driving.

Friday’s Thought – Wow that 6 hour drive didn’t seem to take as long as it usually does.

Saturday’s Thought – There is sooooo much work to be done in my daughter’s new house…and her Wi-Fi is as bad as ours now! Ahhh, country living.

Sunday’s Thought – Red in the morning; sailor take warning. I better get back on the road and get home before the storm sets in – but I want to stay with my daughter. L Also, a lot of rain and wrecks. What a drive.

Today’s Thought – If a chicken and a half lays an egg and a half in a day in a half, how long would it take for a centipede with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle. NONE – because peanut butter doesn’t come in spray cans!

Think about it…
But wait, what if the chicken WAS a centipede, sort of???

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Today, I Just Want to Believe




And for all the years you borrowed
And for all the tears you cried
And for all the fears you had to keep inside

I am the light
I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark
I hear your screams
Don't turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I'll be right there
I'll never leave
All I ask of you
Believe








Wednesday, October 4, 2017

All Dogs Go To Heaven & I Hope These People Did Too.


Today’s thought is that I don’t like what I am thinking.


Too much bad juju lately. It is happening to people I know and to people I do not know. There has been too much sadness and death in the last week.

It started with Moose Saturday - not sudden, but unexpected on Saturday. We will miss you Moose.


Then the shooting in Las Vegas - sudden and unexpected. We mourn for all of you.


Next was Tom Petty - sudden and unexpected. We will miss you Tom.


Now, Peeby Doos, my daughter’s dog - sudden and unexpected. We will miss you Peebs.


I am going to have to add another name to another Halloween gravestone in my office.

This has to stop….



Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Tom Petty

I decorate my office for Halloween every year. It is fun and people get a kick out of it. They honestly believe Halloween is my favorite holiday - but it isn't. Christmas is. 


I never dreamed I would add a name to one of my grave markers. I never have before. But this year is different.




"You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worries
You belong somewhere you feel free"


I am not going to lie, this one hurts. I love his music. He was great in concert.


I hope he is resting in peace. I hope he is free. Thanks for the music. You will be missed.

Monday, October 2, 2017

School, AARP, & Midterms

Today I have a midterm. Quantitative Statistics. God help me.


I slipped the AARP in the title because as I was logging in on my phone to use my universities (also my employer) Wi-Fi this morning I noted a strange new addition. "TU-AARP." Now we have TU-Guest, TU-Student, TU-Secure, & TU Faculty, but this AARP version was new. Must be for the 'older learners' like me I surmised. Not so said IT! But I think they were just being nice.


Wish me luck!

Saturday, September 30, 2017

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, & The Travel

The Good – my daughter and son-in-law are moving into their very first home as homeowners! Good bye rent! Congratulations!

The Bad - It is my husband’s weekend off and poor Moose (the elderly dog of the elderly woman we work for) has decided that this is the day he is going call it quits. He is done and his poor old body has decided it is not going to let him get up. So my husband has to go help the guy that is working this weekend to help pick Moose up, take him to the vet, and have him put to sleep. Maybe it is more sad than bad.

The Ugly - When our dogs found out that poor Moose was leaving for good, they decided it was a great idea to roll their grief away in some mud. Thanks ladies.

The Travel – My sister is travelling home and her son & new daughter-in-law are travelling too. But they are going much farther than my sister. My sister – 8 hours on the road. Her kids – 8 months on the road. Safe travels everyone.

Thought for the day: That is A LOT of things happening in one day.


Friday, September 29, 2017

A Bed is a Bed

I was given a magazine today by a friend. For those young individuals out there, consider a magazine an old school reading app made out of paper. In this magazine it showed a picture of a bed. Pretty, simple, and perfect.

However, it also included an 8 step, picture tutorial, about how to recreate the look of the bed. 

Now, it was a bed, with a bottom sheet, a top sheet, a blanket, pillows, and a fancy blanket folded and draped at the end of the bed. Didn’t seem overly hard to me to recreate. But they had EIGHT helpful steps.

So my thought for today is:

“If I cannot make a bed look similar to a picture in a magazine simply by using my ‘common sense street smarts’ that were garnered while growing up actually making a bed; and I have to resort to following multiple instructions that a paper old school app is giving me on how to do it – I don’t need that bed. And neither does anyone else.”

It is a bed. Who am I trying to impress in my own home with my bed making skills?


And as a total sidebar - who perpetuated the thought that 10,000 pillows on a bed was pretty and a good idea?! Pillow manufacturers - that is who. Not real people who sleep in their beds.

Just sayin'...

Thursday, September 28, 2017

New Style

It occurred to me as I thinking about how this blog is always on my mind, but I never seem to post anymore. The reason I do not post as often as I think I will, might be that I am busy - always busy - and the thinking, and planning, and writing, and trying to be funny, and revising just seemed to become another chore rather than a fun outlet to express my thoughts.


But I want to express something. Even if it just for me. Something I can look back on in later years and think, "Oh yes! That is how I was feeling on Thursday, September 28, 2017." Notice the selfishness of how "I" was feeling. Like no one else matters. Even though they do.


That should sway me somehow not to focus solely on myself, but I am sticking to my self-serving plan for now.


This is what I plan to do. Each day (lets see how long I actually make that commitment) I am going to try to post a word or a short sentence to explain my day. Short, sweet, and to the point, but maybe understandable by anyone else who reads this.


Feel free to post how your day is/was as a comment too!


Today:


Life has not turned out like I thought it was going to be. Not even close.


See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Both Sides Now


I listen to oldies radio. After all, I am on the downhill slide of the old mountain, so it fits. Yesterday while driving home listening to the 60’s or 70’s station on the radio a Judy Collins song came on the radio. I like most of her music and they usually only play “Send in The Clowns,” so I turned it up to sing along.

As I was singing it dawned on me how much the first verse and stanza could be changed to mimic something swirling around in my head; the very thing that I wrote about in my last blog. Someone I am related to, but most times wish I weren’t. The person that I believe does not understand me, and in my mind, does not even try.

And while I was singing it hit me – that I always think I understand this person, but maybe I do not – and maybe I don’t really even try either.

So there you have it – “Both Sides Now.”

If you change the word ‘clouds’ to ‘her’ or 'she’ (and a few other words to make it grammatically correct), it is perfect.

“Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air,
And feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at ‘her’ that way.
But now ‘she’ only blocks the sun ‘she’ rains and snows on everyone.
So many things I would have done, but ‘she’ got in my way.

I've looked at ‘her’ from both sides now,
From up and down and still somehow,
It's ‘her’ illusions I recall,
I really don't know ‘her’ at all.”

So maybe today, even if it is only for a few moments, think of something or someone that bothers you and take a look at “Both Sides Now.”

Thanks Judy.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Never Break The Chain


Most people my age have heard songs by Fleetwood Mac. Today I am struck in particular by the song “The Chain.” I have always been drawn to that song for reasons I won’t expound on here, but yesterday and today it is running through my mind continuously for a new even more – at least to me – disturbing reason.

Everyone knows there are ‘chains’ in our relationships; things that tie us together to another person for various reasons. We can choose to make those chains stronger or weaker depending on how we feel about that relationship.

But the genetic familial ‘chain’ is what I am thinking of right now. Why are we so bound by these chains? What is the outside pressure brandished onto us that keeps us bound by those chains regardless of the cost to ourselves.

If, for instance, someone we are ‘chained’ to, outside our family, becomes too harmful to us, we simply break the chain and move on – sometimes without a second thought. But in those instances when we do have a second thought, we are able to decide if this relationship is good for us or not, and then move in the direction we need to according to the results of our rational decision.

Our decision, no matter how carefully considered, can be used with family. Why are we required by social convention to accept whatever behavior a family member heaps upon us no matter how toxic? Why are there so many external complications if we desire to break those chains?

 “I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain.”

Why can’t we? If we can decide to break the chain with others that are hurtful to us continuously, why can’t we decide to break away from family members that do the same without feeling guilt, shame, or remorse?

I think this social construct should be revisited. I think familial ‘chains’ should be strong where they need to be, but have the ability to be unlocked, or broken, or discarded when their behavior becomes literally too much for us to bear.

I don’t have an answer to this really - just the question 'why?'

Maybe it is to make us a better person.