Tuesday, November 15, 2016

The Greatest Plans of Mice & Traps Oft Go To Snakes

I have been gone a long time. I have no excuse worth mentioning, because unless you experience for yourself, the black hole of depression that sucks every bit of joy & laughter from you and no matter how hard you try - you can't get back to it, you won’t understand. But then for some odd reason, on any odd day, you suddenly feel a little like yourself and you see the things that make you laugh once again. 

Today was one of those days. 

A coworker and I were talking about mice. Probably because I showed her the video I had recorded of an electronic fake Halloween rat that screams and cries and tries to shake out of a snap trap - and my cat. The cutest cat in all the land by the way. 

It is motion activated and my husband and I placed it on the floor and placed our cute little cat (smaller than the usual full grown cat), coincidentally named Little Rat, next to the electronic rat. She sniffed and looked and circled and finally swatted it. Screeching instantly ensued and she jumped back like a snake had just bitten her. But then she just laid down beside it and watched until it ceased its ranting's. She then rolled over and reached a paw out to it - like she was telling it that she felt its pain and how she wished she could free it from its trap. Only there wasn't any real pain - because it wasn't real - but she is a cat - what do expect. 

Anyway, back to my coworker. After watching the video she told me about her REAL mouse traps at her house and how once she had such an infestation that the traps in her house were everywhere. (QUIT JUDGING - she lives in the woods - and little meeses are EVERYWHERE!) 

I looked her in the eye and forcefully asked, "You don't use glue traps do you - they are so cruel." 

Of course she answered, “Yes.”  

Her cool point factor went down by 10 for that because I think glue traps are sooooo cruel. The poor critter is stuck by their feet, or toes, or hair (if he/she rolls over somehow), just waiting for the big bad human to come pick him/her up and chuck him/her in the trash - making him/her live the rest of his/her days or hours next to some leftover liver and onions that the kids wouldn't eat (and neither will he/she, if he/she is smart) in a trash can until the trash truck dumps him/her in a giant bin that squashes everything together so that it is all over. The whole experience is a cornucopia of terror for the little critter! But, there is the chance that he/she may go to a landfill intact with only the prospect of pulling off his/her toes to escape, starve to death, or be eaten by a passing predator.  

I hate those traps. If you are going to get rid of mice, entice them with cheese and let the trap snap and end it all quickly. So much more humane. 

She didn't agree, but in the end, in my world, the past glue trapped mice got their revenge on her heartless (actually she is very, very nice) mouse trapping soul. 

Her story goes that glue traps were EVERYWHERE in her house and she had a habit of accidentally stepping on them quite frequently. (That alone should get you seriously wondering about her - but laughing) So, one day she got out of the shower, dried off, and entered her bedroom to get her pajamas. As she moved toward the dresser she stepped on one of the ever present glue traps - and it stuck to her bare foot. She wasn't too worried because as I said - she told me she stepped on them quite frequently. But then something odd happened. She felt a sharp pain on her ankle, and then another one. That made her look down and then she saw it - a SNAKE - not a mouse - was stuck on the glue trap - which was stuck on her foot. And it was mad. So it did what snakes do. It kept striking her ankle trying to tell her to get it off her foot and off it and the glue trap! She screamed of course. Her husband and kids came running to see their naked wife/mom writhing on the floor yelling, "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" 

Her husband obliged and took the snake outside. She insisted that the poor oak snake had lived long enough and made sure her husband made sure that the snake never came back into her house to get stuck on any other glue trap. One snake on your foot when you are butt naked is quite enough for a lifetime.  

Her story cracked me up. Because we have all done things - maybe not snakes stuck to our foot kind of things - but things that take us completely by surprise, are embarrassing and horrible, but turn out all right in the end. The type of things that we know deep down inside - that as soon as it is over and as soon as we compose ourselves and get a good night’s sleep - will be a great funny story to tell. 

Maybe on another day I will tell a crazy story of mine. But for now - sit back and picture my coworker’s story in your head - and laugh. 

And forget the glue traps – the mice (and snakes) will thank you!