Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Breakfast and a Drug Deal

We have a new restaurant in town. I won’t name names, but it is a well know chain that serves breakfast and the name is suggestive of the idea of what you would be doing if you picked up one leg and moved about a room and then you told someone that you did it, but spoke the sentence in the present tense. Ok, just think what a rabbit does.

We live in a small town. So a new restaurant is big news - and mobbed – whether it is good or not – for weeks – simply because it is new and pickings are slim in the world of food around here.

Today, finally my husband and I decided to try it for lunch (11:15 a.m.). We got right in, no waiting. One crisis averted (at least to my husband). As the hostess was taking us to our table a server was following us like a gnat. I mean I seriously felt like turning to her and shooing her away or least yelling – GIVE ME SOME SPACE WEIRDO! But I refrained, after all what if she was our server? As we sat down she moved away, so I kind of wish I HAD shooed her like I was doing in my mind since she wasn’t going to be serving us food, but I live by the rule that decorum must be maintained at all cost. So I was just kidding myself – I never would have done it - but it is fun to think about.

But then SHE (the gnat) sachets over to our table and asks what we would like to drink. Diet whatever and unsweet tea is what we tell her. “Do you want some juice,” she asks? No, diet whatever and unsweet tea please. “Well, 22% of my sales need to be juice, so do you want some juice?” NO.Thank.You. What the hell?

She goes off to get our drinks and returns a good 5-7 minutes later and states, “Sorry I took a day and half to get back to you, but I had a rude customer I had to deal with. Sheesh, there are a lot of those.” She did bring me a diet drink, but she brought my husband SWEET tea, which we found out after she left our table – to go to the bathroom. We caught her eye on her exit (don’t you just love being seated next to the bathroom while you eat?) and told her of the error. She proceeded to bring my husband another glass of tea and states she is sorry, but that this indeed is unsweet. He tastes it AND IT WAS SOURED! We call her back again to the table and inform her of the undrinkable drink and she says – “Thank you for telling us we would never know if customers didn’t tell us – AND – would you like some juice?” Now I am to the WTF stage and starting to understand why she may have those ‘rude’ customers.

She takes our order, goes to the visible cash register and rings it up – I assume. Then she goes into the bathroom.

We wait & wait & wait & wait & wait. While we were waiting she took someone else’s order and then went to the bathroom AGAIN. Either she is phobically clean or something is going on. Another server brought our food – minus my husband’s sausages and pancakes. We call her over again and she notices the missing flapjacks and goes to the kitchen to get them. She then exits the kitchen with his piping hot stack AND TAKES THEM TO ANOTHER TABLE. (Oh, did I tell you we were sitting right next to the kitchen entrance/exit as well as the bathroom? So very appetizing!) Now, she was going to the kitchen to get our table missing pancakes only moments before and upon her exit with those pancakes had to walk right behind my husband to take these pancakes to a different table. She looks positively shocked when they tell her that were not theirs! They inform her they are OURS - and point to us - and she finally brings them back to us. We informed her of the still missing sausages, so she went back to the kitchen, came out – with no sausage – and went – you guessed it – to the bathroom.

Finally the manager comes to our table and asks how things are. I tell him we are missing sausages! Our server overhears and yells from several tables away, “I TOLD THEM TWICE IN THE KITCHEN! IT ISN’T MY FAULT!” I am now back to WTF land.

We receive sausages pronto.

Our server then starts to talk to another server and goes BACK TO THE BATHROOM! I just can’t even make this stuff up.

This time however, when she came out, she has something clenched in her fist. She walked up to the other server and in sleight of hand tried to hand it to her without anyone seeing. BUT I SAW. It wasn’t creamer, it wasn’t Sweet N Low, it was a small plastic baggy. The kind of baggies I only know about because my husband watches so many cop shows! The kind of baggies drug dealers and drug users claim are not theirs when the cops find them in their pocket. As I watch, the other server surreptitiously took the item and clenched it in her hand as well and then sneekily (is that a word?) clasped her palm as she walked through the dining room. When she walked into the kitchen area – she slipped it in her pocket. Drug deal. I witnessed a drug deal – AT BREAKFAST – IN A RESTAURANT!

After our server dropped some silverware on the floor and still put it back in the basket of clean ones, talked over us to another server about how to cheat and get a break sooner and then talked to yet another one about what she was going to eat on break WHILE she was handing us the bill – it was time to get the hell out of there. Never to return.

I probably should have said something to the manager – but he was MIA.

Experiences like this are why I prefer to eat at home.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015


I am going to try to make this prologue short and sweet, so I am going to bullet point it like I have to do for my students:

·         My mom came to visit for Christmas

·         She liked my perfume

·         I forgot to give her some, so I mailed her some (with a pair of earrings) priority mail on Monday.

o   I am now at work

o   I am participating in a webinar

o   I get this text during the aforementioned participation:

§  “Love the surprise box! Loved the perfume…Also the earrings Anges (WTH? This is my comment here, not in the original text) and well anyhow anyway I’m trying it I don’t think it’s turning out to good but anyhow I really AM enjoyin.”

Ok, back to a real blog:

My first way to deal with the crazy in that text (and I definitely do not know who the heck Anges is or if that is what my mom named the earrings I sent) was to forward the text to my sister so that I would not be the only person scarred by the madness it contained. In doing so I remembered the conversation I had with my mother about the name of the perfume I sent her.

Mom:    I like your perfume. It smells very clean and fresh.

Me:        Thank you.

Mom:    What is the name?

Me:        Stay.

Mom:    What? Why did you tell me to stay? I am sitting down and I certainly wasn’t planning on going anywhere. Don’t treat me like a dog!

Me:        I am not treating you like a dog. Stay is the name of the perfume.

Mom:    Who would name a perfume Stay?

Me:        The Gap.

Mom:    Gap? What gap?

Me:        Not A gap – THE Gap.

Mom:    The gap what??

Me:        Not What Gap – The Gap! It is a clothing store.

Mom:    No, a gap is a space between two things. Why would they call it the GAP? Are their sales   bad? Why would someone name a store Gap?

Me:        I have no idea and my head is starting to hurt.

Mom:    You said it was a clothing store, so where did the perfume come from?

Me:        THE GAP! They sell perfume too.

Mom:    You don’t have to get snippy and I still don’t understand why a store would be named Gap and they would call a perfume Stay.

Me:        I don’t either.

Mom:    Well, anyhow, your perfume smells really clean and fresh.

It went downhill from there and I will spare you the details. While all this was going on all I could think of was the bit that Abbott & Costello did about “Who’s on First.” Mine is not nearly as long or as funny, but on the level of non- comprehension it comes really, really close…


Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Wisdom? What Wisdom?!

Never assume you are as smart – or as coherent – as you think you are. Once again, I had a BRILLIANT idea to blog about in my head last night as I went to bed. I had the first paragraph, the main idea, and the title – the 3 word title – down pat. I went over and over and over and over it in my head using the rule that if you say something out loud 5 times you will never forget it. (That unquestionably is a lie) My mind screamed – “Go get your phone and voice note the title at least you idiot – or go get a piece of paper!”


Did I heed the screams of warning that were rolling around my head with the excellent blog idea? Hell no. I.Was.In.Bed.

So here we are the next morning. I can remember my idea was sheer writing genius. I can remember it had a three word title. Something, Something and Something. I remember the Something after the ‘and’ portion of that title was the really important part. But that is all I have. THAT.IS.ALL.

I have blogged about sleepy time forgetfulness before and I believe I stated I would not do this particular form of lunacy again and YET I DID.

With age, does not necessarily come wisdom.

Monday, January 5, 2015


I was off for over 2 weeks and it never occurred to me that I finally had all the time in the world to post a blog. Lazy won out over EVERYTHING.

But now it is 2015 and Monday - back to work - back to life. Maybe even back to blogging! Beware my friends, beware...