The List - BYOB

I have been away for a while; both physically and mentally. Most people who know me would say that I am always away mentally. If I am lucky, on a good day, that is true.

My mother turned 80 over Labor Day. My sister threw a birthday bash that will live in the annals of the family history. Fun and frivolity were abundant between family members; except with the 80 year old guest of honor. She doesn’t get humor. She used to get our humor a little, but those grey matter cells are long gone – to church (another story, never mind). Anyway, in those few days I learned a lot. A lot about what makes my sister great, what makes me great, and what makes mom a control freak. I thought it would be a good idea to assemble a list for you so you will understand.

WHAT MY SISTER DOES BETTER THAN ME OR OUR MOM:

1.       Manage money

2.       Sewing

3.       Parenting

4.       Cooking

5.       Always seeing the world as a glass half full

6.       Loving dogs

7.       Never cusses in front of other humans

8.       Refrains from saying mean things about others (she may think them – but she never says   them)

9.       Loving the outdoors

10.   Putting up with bullshit with a smile on her face

WHAT I DO BETTER THAN MY SISTER OR OUR MOM:

1.       Organization

2.       Cleaning the house

3.       Baking pies

4.       Holding my liquor

5.       Loving cats

6.       Being objective

7.       Saying out loud what I think (you always know where you stand with me)

8.       Stopping bullshit

WHAT OUR MOM DOES BETTER THAN MY SISTER OR I:

1.       Everything

She is a legend in her own mind on the details of the best way to do EVERYTHING and she is not afraid to tell you. Being around her is precisely when I check out mentally. It helps when you are around her to pretend you aren’t listening. Well, that, AND the liquor and valium.