Most people my age have heard songs by Fleetwood Mac. Today
I am struck in particular by the song “The Chain.” I have always been drawn to
that song for reasons I won’t expound on here, but yesterday and today it is
running through my mind continuously for a new
even more – at least to me – disturbing reason.
Everyone knows there are ‘chains’ in our relationships; things
that tie us together to another person for various reasons. We can choose to make
those chains stronger or weaker depending on how we feel about that
relationship.
But the genetic familial
‘chain’ is what I am thinking of right now. Why are we so bound by these
chains? What is the outside pressure brandished onto us that keeps us bound by
those chains regardless of the cost to ourselves.
If, for instance, someone we are ‘chained’ to, outside our
family, becomes too harmful to us, we simply break the chain and move on –
sometimes without a second thought. But in those instances when we do have a second thought, we are able to
decide if this relationship is good for us or not, and then move in the
direction we need to according to the results of our rational decision.
Our decision, no matter how carefully considered, can be used with family. Why are we required by social convention to accept
whatever behavior a family member heaps upon us no matter how toxic? Why are
there so many external complications if we desire to break those chains?
“I can still hear you saying you would never
break the chain.”
Why can’t we? If we can decide
to break the chain with others that are hurtful to us continuously, why can’t
we decide to break away from family
members that do the same without feeling guilt, shame, or remorse?
I think this social construct should be revisited. I think
familial ‘chains’ should be strong where they need to be, but have the ability
to be unlocked, or broken, or discarded when their behavior becomes literally too
much for us to bear.
I don’t have an answer to this really - just the question 'why?'
Maybe it is to make us a better person.
