Monday, November 17, 2014

Pain, Pills & Pies

I have been M.I.A. for a week or so. I was at my sister’s taking care of the poor wounded deer (I mean dear). Not that she can’t normally take care of herself – because she so totally can – WHILE she also takes care of everyone around her; but she had a broken wing and needed an extra set of paws.

Because of my metaphors, now you think we are animals – don’t you. WELL WE ARE! Tattooed, wild as they come, drug taking, drug smuggling, hard drinking, motorcycle riding ANIMALS. Wait a minute; what am I talking about? That is just me – she only has tattoos. But she wants to do all those things, she is just scared. Notice I didn’t mention anything about wild, crazy sex? Come on here – I am trying to realistic! Also FYI, I don’t smuggle drugs, it just sounded cool in that sentence, like I am a real bad-ass. I may not do all the other stuff either, just most of it, but I will leave that up to decide which categories you think I fit in. Don’t judge – you don’t know me.

Anyway, I took a few days off from my job (a.k.a. prison), rode up to my sister’s on my Harley (a.k.a.  2005 Jeep Liberty – but it has lots of awesome stickers on it!), while drinking some of the hard stuff (a.k.a. diet coke) on the way, after I had stopped at a my local dealer to buy a week’s worth of drugs (a.k.a. pies from the Mennonite bakery outside of town) because she had to have surgery for her broken wrist and needed my type of drugs (a.k.a. pies).

After assessing the situation (and unloading the pies) I initiated the taking care of the invalid; an invalid that definitely did not want to appear to be an invalid. But I coerced her or at least I tried. She would have none of it. This one armed wonder was a model of a three year old screaming, “BY MYSELF!” I took it as long as I could then I smacked her broken wrist (not really, I may be wild, but I am totally not mean to invalids and puppies) so she would take a pain pill (not pie this time) and




But like that aforementioned child, she slept all of about 20 minutes and then she was up again foraging for things she could do one handed – and find pie.

I was stunned and amazed at her resilience. She was like the Little Engine That Could.

‘I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

And she usually always could!

I would have absolutely played the sick, infirmed patient that could not be bothered to move for as long as possible. “Give me a bell, so I may ring for service.” That would be me. “More pain killers please and also, bring me pie.” Peter Percival Patterson’s Pet Pig Porky would have been so proud. (If you don’t know what I am talking about – use this link: If you do – well – then we are BOTH old.

Once again my sister has totally defied the odds and amazed me. It takes A LOT to amaze me anymore. Everyone is so lazy, predictable and never offers you pie. They are so not like my incredible sister. My hat – or should I say – my cast – is off to you. I love you.

By the way, do you have any leftover pie I can eat? I need pie.

1 comment:

  1. Good one !! LOL!!! It was so wonderful for you to come and take care of me! You are the best nurse ever!! You are the best sister ever too and I love you !!!
    p.s. All the pie is gone. :(