Leonard Nimoy has died. That means a little piece of me has died as well. I cannot remember - nor do I want to - life without him. A life without Mr. Spock is totally illogical to my mind. It cannot exist.
I fell in love with him while watching Star Trek hiding behind my father's recliner because I was supposed to be in bed. Not on Star Trek night. I learned to run silently back to my room if I heard anyone move from their spot. I had to risk the punishment. I had to watch this mission to space. I wished it was real.
Most importantly, I wished Vulcans were real. No emotions, pure logic. It appealed to me because for some reason my home life seemed totally illogical. Maybe I was the one out of sync, but although I couldn't really put my finger on it, something always seemed terribly wrong - terribly illogical and I am a logically thinking human. (I have since learned it was probably my mom - but you can't always completely blame everything on your parents)
I got to the point in my life that I once called myself Mr. Spock because everything was so out of control and I refused to have feelings so I wouldn't get caught up in the storm. It was easier. It was logical.
I was Spock. Then I was not. Then I became him again. Only the second time I did not completely get back to being myself. It is still easier not to feel. To be in total control of my emotions.
I am therefore in some ways still half Vulcan, because I can easily distance myself from anything I don't like or can't make sense of. (My mother comes to mind again)
I have many things Star Trek. I am a Trekkie. Everyone knows I love Star Trek & Mr. Spock. My car, home and office are full of memorabilia. I have been to a convention for crying out loud! But mostly, I am Vulcan.
I dressed up like Mr. Spock for work last year for Halloween. I was a 'fatter' Mr. Spock, but for a moment in time, Leonard Nimoy, the creator of my other facade & I, were alive and somewhat the same in the same space time continuum. I relished that thought.
Now I know that Spock was not the only accomplishment this man ever had. He was so much more. But for me, this one piece of him altered my entire life. For the better.
Thank you Leonard Nimoy. I hope someday I get to meet you in space...the final frontier.
Live Long and Prosper Everyone.