Hot Tubs, Jeff Gordon, & Losing Your Mind

This morning I got into my hot tub. It is usually a place that I contemplate the world for a few minutes each morning. I think about my loved ones and say a quick morning prayer for them, watch my cats wander around the ‘porch shelf’, relax, and generally get ready for the day.

This morning, NASCAR was on my mind. What the hell. Because rich people racing around a track – i.e. “it’s a left turn and another left turn, and another left turn” – is on my top 10 list of world changing activities that needs contemplating in the wee hours of the early morning? Definitely not.

But it IS on my husband’s top ten list.

Therefore I am constantly updated about each Sunday’s race, the drivers, and their standings.

This year Jeff Gordon is retiring – my husband’s favorite driver. So, I hear A LOT about Jeff Gordon.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Jeff Gordon as much as the next person that is an apathetic, indifferent, uninvolved, this ain’t changing MY life so why SHOULD I care racecar fan, but this retiring thing has put a crimp in my laissez faire, I don’t give a shit, attitude about NASCAR.

I WANT Jeff Gordon to win the Sprint Cup (dear god, I even know the trophy’s name. What is happening to me?) this year. I want him to go out a CHAMPION.

He seems to be a nice guy. So in my mind, he should win – because he is retiring.

I am close to retiring too – and I want to go out on top like I want Jeff Gordon to go out on top.

But something is missing for/in me. I could be philosophical about it all and give you a 3 page story about ‘this missing thing’ but I am going to narrow it down to this sentence for the sake of your sanity.

I need to go back to church.

Not want. Not should. Not could. NEED.

However my husband has this Sunday schedule that he likes to adhere to and I balk at messing up this schedule. Yes, I am just that wonderful of a wife!

So I make excuses not to go to church. I mostly use my husband’s Sunday Waffle House/Goodwill/Walmart run as the main excuse, but there are others. Lazy comes to mind as well.

Nevertheless today in my morning meditations/warm bath coziness time my mind came up with this:

“Lord, if you can somehow help Jeff Gordon win the championship this year I will tell my husband that I am going to go to church EVERY Sunday. Well, almost every Sunday.”

What.

The.

Hell.

(Yes, I AM cursing right after I tell you my prayer!)

How in the world did some bargain like that pop into my head? WTF

Number one – you shouldn’t bargain with God.

Number two – what a seriously STUPID bargain!

Number three – you shouldn't curse right after you pray.

Rather than just manning up (womaning up?) and saying to myself and the world (aka my husband) – I AM GOING TO CHURCH. I have to make a deal with God about NASCAR?

Why didn’t I make a bargain like – say – if I win the lottery I will go to church? How about a deal that involves my job giving me a $50,000.00 raise? Or perhaps I go to church after someone gives me a Tesla? Or ANYTHING else that made a little more sense than a NASCAR race that doesn’t affect ME at all??!!

You HAVE to say to yourself – WTF. You just have to!

But the bargain has been made. No matter how stupid or accidental. I am bound by the laws of God, man, and the hot tub.

Sunday is D-Day for me. May the best racer or potentially church going woman win.