Clarification of Things That Go Bump in the A.M.

Something happened this morning that instantly clarified the difference between first – men and women and second – morning people and night owls.

Heads up – I am the woman and the morning person.

6:45 am: As per our normal schedule my husband rises from his slumber and wanders in to the living room to kiss me good morning. I get up between 5:30 am & 6:00 am so I am usually on the couch watching the news.

6:46 am: As per his normal schedule he trundles into the kitchen to take his ‘morning meds.’

6:46:15 am: The refrigerator opens and he takes out his bottle of Perrier (‘Perrier - it just isn’t for rich people anymore!’) to wash down those ‘morning meds.’

6:46:25 am: Not as per normal I hear a BAM – then “SHIT!”

6:46:26 am: I barrel into the kitchen to see what has happened.

To the right I see my husband standing there just staring at the floor. To the left I see one of our cats (his favorite) crouched in horror behind the trash container. And in the middle of them both is the Perrier bottle on the floor surrounded by about a ¼ of its carbonated contents.

It didn’t take me 2 seconds (6:46:28 am) to figure out what had happened. The cat, in a vain attempt to gain extra treats, had jumped up onto the top of the trash can, misjudged, and slid headlong into my Perrier holding husband – who was not quite expecting this maneuver so was ill prepared for this sudden onslaught – and had knocked the Perrier out of his hand, so that it fell open on to the floor.

Here is where the clarification comes in:

Women know what I am thinking, “Quick get a towel!” (After snickering to themselves)

Men are thinking, “What the hell just happened?”

Morning people are thinking, “Why is he just standing there looking like a deer in the headlights? Let’s move people! Let's get this cleaned up!”

Night owls are thinking, “Shit, why did I even get up this morning?!”

There you have it. Differences you may have wondered about explained in a matter of minutes – in an easy to understand format. It doesn’t get any better than that.