To Blink or Not to Blink - That is the Question

Today’s muse is about blinkers. You know, the things on cars, trucks, scooters, vans, SUV’s, station wagons, buses, motorcycles, bicycles, RV’s, trailers (load carrying type), U-Haul’s, ATV’s, 18 Wheelers, ambulances, armored cars, cement mixer, UPS & FedEx trucks, fire engines, motor boats, airplanes, the space shuttle, hot air balloons…wait, now I am just getting ridiculous. But you get the idea. Almost EVERYTHING on the road has the ability to tell me in advance if it is turning right or left. Yet, the vast majority of individuals do not use this amazing, helpful, courteous devise anymore! Why? Is it too much trouble to raise your left arm and push a stick up or down? A motion that takes less amount of energy to perform than it takes to blink your eyes. I am baffled.

I am from a big city. I must say, blinkers were used on a regular basis, however only the person actually turning used their blinker. Everyone behind them surmised what was happening and carried on. Then I moved to a small town. Immediate culture shock. Not only did the actual person turning put their blinker on (miles before they actually had to), but so did everyone else! The person behind them – to let the next person know what was about to happen - and then the person behind that person and the person behind that person and the person behind that person and on and on and on, until it seemed everyone in the county knew someone was going to turn up ahead. I was amazed! What was happening? At first I thought they ALL were turning, but I quickly learned this quaint, charming custom and even I started to comply. Resistance is futile.

Back to the big city. Back to the one person, one blinker unspoken rule. I must admit that at first I continued to “warn” those behind me until too many passengers asked me what the hell I was doing. I quickly unlearned that quirky courtesy. But I continued to use a blinker before every turn.

I am back again in a small town. Not only does no one use the blinker to warn the one behind them anymore, NO ONE – as in maybe1 in 50 - uses their blinker at all! It mystifies me! It is now a daily game of “guess if someone putting on their brakes is going to turn” or is it they are just an idiot that doesn’t know how to drive. Too many drivers turn out to be the latter.

Me, I am sticking with the blinker method. Better safe than rear-ended.

Stoppage

How would you feel if you decided to stop doing the things you usually do? Do you stop cold turkey? Do you worry about how you will feel if you don't do these things? Do you feel that if you usually do these things and now you are going to stop that somehow you are going to be missing out on something? Or that this stoppage of usual activities giving you hope? For everything and nothing?

Depending on what you are stopping...

Eyebrows

At what age does one normally begin to “feel" their eyebrows? Is this a common occurrence or is it just me. At first I believed it was my crappy new glasses. Perhaps they sat on my face in just such a way as to ever so gently brush against a few eyebrow hairs and make me know – all day long – that my eyebrows were indeed on my face. But I checked. Nope, not it. My next thought was – “Oh My Gosh, I have gotten to the age where I have those out of control, long, unruly, wild, old man eyebrows?” God forbid! So I checked. Nope, not it. But just to make sure that was not the problem I took my handy dandy sideburn trimmer (well really it was my husband's) and used the long trim attachment to trim those annoyances down in case I missed one.  I am half blind, so missing one just by looking in the mirror was a very real possibility. What happened you ask? I used the wrong side and accidentally shaved my eyebrows completely off! Curses! Good thing I am half blind and have to wear glasses that cover my, shall we say, lack of eyebrows! But it was then I noticed - that I STILL noticed them. They were completely gone, there were no hairs to rub on my glasses, there were obviously no wild strays, so there was no rational reason I could think of to be in this quandary – nevertheless, I could still FEEL them. So I ask again, at what age does one normally start to “feel” their eyebrows??!! Maybe Groucho Marx can answer my question.

What a Day Looks Like In My World

What am I thankful for today? I am thankful that my hot tub smelled like a hot tub today because I put new chemicals in it and not like I was soaking in some funky old wet sock. Which I had been doing for days if you must know.

What did I hate about today? That I had several random bangs that kept floating in front of my eyes and that I didn't have scissors to whack those annoying things off.

What would I change about today? I would make my Jeep some sort of time machine and warp back 20 years ago and slap myself in the face and say "WAKE UP!" If I told you what for, I would have to do away with you.

What would I leave the same about today? How much my husband loves me, although I don't know why because if he knew all my deepest darkest secrets he would probably turn me over to some psychiatrist who would then make a fortune after he wrote a book about the "3 Evils of Rachelle." The book would be so wildly popular that someone would want to make a movie about it and the psychiatrist would consent and make a fortune - which he would keep - because my family would unknowingly have signed away their rights because the psychiatrist was unscrupulous and lied about the paper they were signing. All the while I would be locked away in a sanitarium because I kept screaming, "Don't sign away our rights!" The deceitful (but wealthy) doctor would not let my family see me because of my "state of mind" and just keep ordering more shock treatments so I would forget what I was trying to tell my family while I was screaming! IF he hadn't first gone stark raving mad after I told him my secrets...either scenario could totally happen you know.

What did I wish would happen today? That some rich human passed peacefully in his/her sleep and left me 1/2 (or more) of his/her fortune or someone very close to me won the lottery and gave me most of it (because I deserve it since I am strapped to my bed in the psycho ward screaming - people feel sorry for people who scream nonsense all the time) so I could buy my own personal island where I could frolic in the sun & sand until I forgot why I was there or why I had been screaming so much. I would only invite family members because they would come and tell me how wonderful I was because I had invited them to my island. We would play games and laugh and laugh at people that didn't own their own island. Then we would eat pie.

What really did happen today? I went to work.

I know what you are thinking - Boy this person really knows how to live. It is true. Try not to be too envious.

Shampoo & Conditioner Demons

Long time no blog! I am sure no one missed a thing. But this morning something happened that made me yearn to blog. Yearn to speak my mind. Yearn to find out if anyone else thinks upon the things that run through my mind. Here it goes. 

Let’s start this new series with shampoo and conditioner. I fully believe that when the Wicked Witch of the West melted, her hair remained behind because even water could not tame that beast. When Dorothy found the leftover hair she asked the Wizard of Oz what they should do with it. He replied, "Throw it over the rainbow." They did and it landed on my head and stuck there! So, because of that series of events, I must buy shampoo AND conditioner. I don’t mind buying both, I would probably buy them both even if my hair didn’t present as a wild unkempt sasquatch – if they are real – and I have an opinion on that, but I am not feeling particularly 'squatchy' today, so we will discuss that at a later date. So, back to the shampoo conundrum. If you are like me you follow directions. Lather, rinse, repeat. You have to repeat! You have to follows the directions! This rule is NOT made to be broken. Even if you are a rebel in almost every other daily action – you have to Lather, Rinse, Repeat. It takes the dual cleansing to remove the product, dirt, grime, leftover food particles and bits of cat food out of the mop you call your hair. What choice do you have? None. BUT, now we get to the, shall we say, ridiculous part of the shampoo/conditioner world. They NEVER make a bottle of shampoo twice as big as they do the bottle of conditioner. Why is that? If you lather, rinse, repeat on shampoo why don’t you have to do the same with the conditioner? I am sure it is a law somewhere that they must run out at the same time, if only I could find which state has that law. Why is conditioner made so well that you only have to apply once but shampoo is made like an underdog and diluted to the point that it isn’t strong enough to only be used once? Shame on the manufacturers. 

Speaking of being strong enough, that segways perfectly into my second question of the morning about the aforementioned conditioner. The conditioner I have in my shower is so thick that you almost have to be Wonder Woman to squeeze even a pea size amount of conditioner out of the bottle. Wonder Woman I tell you! Yes, I have the conditioner bottle end up, so that it slides down straight to the expelling hole. But the hole is where it stops, like glue. Like a defiant child it refuses to cooperate! It is no surprise that my showers are starting to take longer and longer and cause me no end of stress. Let me show you why: 

1.    Turn on shower because at our house it takes a good day & a half to get the hot water back to the pipes that feed the shower. While waiting I do the following:

2.    Shave my chin.

3.    Weigh myself.

4.    Curse my weight.

5.    Pet a cat.

6.    Pet another cat.

7.    Throw the towel over the shower door.

8.    Read a book.

9.    Go get another cup of coffee

10. Check the weather.

11.  Change a light bulb in the living room lamp.

12.  Take a jog around the block to prepare myself for the shampoo predicament.

Finally, hot water. Ahhhhh, sweet warm water caressing my body, but then it starts. Lather, rinse, repeat. So far so good. But now to apply the conditioner. The list for applying the conditioner is almost as long as the waiting to get hot water! 

1.    Open conditioner bottle.

2.    Try to squeeze out some conditioner.

3.    Give up.

4.    Turn the water off.

5.    Get out of the shower.

6.    Dry off.

7.    Kick the kitten & dog that are lying on my Wonder Woman outfit off.

8.    Use a sticky roller to get the cat/dog hair off my suit.

9.    Get into the Wonder Woman Suit.

10. Get back into the shower to retrieve the conditioner.

11.  Squeeze the conditioner with the mighty strength of Wonder Woman.

12.  If that still doesn’t work, wrap the Lasso of Truth around the bottle and pull tight.

13.  Carefully get back out of the shower.

14.  Cautiously remove my Wonder Woman suit with one hand (because you know I have conditioner in the other hand).

15.  Turn the water back on.

16.  Wait for the hot water (see previous list for time frame)

17. Get back into the shower.

18. Apply conditioner. 

Does that sound like a nice relaxing shower? NO and I blame the shampoo and conditioner. I almost cannot even look at them anymore without complete contempt. Don’t even ask me about the 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner combos. LIES I tell you. Full and complete fabrications!!! 

I must close for now. I am frustrated just thinking about this and now I have to blow dry my hair and go to the store to get some more shampoo. Not conditioner, I have plenty of that.

 

Can I Give Up Now?

Uncle...fate is twisting my arm and I am calling uncle. As in I give in, I give up, I give off, I give out (not really). I DON'T give a flying flip, or a rat's a--, or a hairy rat's a--, or a holy hell. This quest apparently is impossible for me. It has always been impossible for me. I knew that going into this and yet I wanted to give it one last college try. I am too old for college trying.

Although, I am pleased to announce that after Summer 2013 classes, my cumulative GPA for my entire college career is 3.86. I AM smart. I always knew that, but the GPA proves it. I guess I should have gloated back when I was inducted last year in some Chi something something sorority. It is for smart people that are in the top 10% of their class at their school. I think I got in because I am as old as the professors here and they all want me to feel good about myself.

Feel good about myself?? I have been in college for 38 years. If I haven't graduated by now, a gold pin and a secret oath are not going to help me - ever. But maybe if they want to give me an honorary degree...

But I digress...

This quest...I don't want to do it anymore. So I am not. And I am not going to feel guilty about it either. I am going to languidly go through my days wishing for something I never have, hoping for something that isn't going to happen and dreaming of something I wish I had done.

Come on...I know you want to join me!!

Anything New?

It has been forever since I even though of writing something new. I am not sure it really matters anyway. I am a procrastinator. My procrastination turns into forgetfulness and then forgetfulness just turns into plain old stupidity. But I digress...

Anything new? Sure lots of things. Too much to try to update this. Taxidermy, rings, vacation and lots of things. (Yes, I meant that to rhyme)

But what made me post today is how I find it so interesting how one sentence can absolutely change the atmosphere around you. It can be a perfectly ordinary day, neither good or bad, just a glad it is 5 o'clock kind of day, when suddenly you get news that changes everything. For days to come. No matter what you do, you can't stop thinking about "it". Sometimes it is good news, sometimes not so good news. Sometimes it makes you relive the feelings from prior news that dealt with the new current news. So sometimes you just feel like a sad song...

Usually in the morning
I'm filled with sweet belonging
And everything is beautiful to see
Even when it's raining
The sound of heaven singing
Is simply joyful music to me
But sometimes I feel like a sad song
Like I'm all alone without you

So many different places
A million smiling faces
Life Is so incredible to me
Especially to be near you
And how it is to touch you
Oh, paradise was made for you and me
But sometimes I feel like a sad song
Like I'm all alone without you

I know that life goes on just perfectly
Everything is just the way that it should be
Still there are times when my heart feel like breaking
And anywhere is where I'd rather be
Oh, and in the nighttime
I know that it's the right time
To hold you close and tell you I love you so
To have someone to share with
And someone I can care with
And that is why I wanted you to know

Sometimes I feel like a sad song
Like I'm all alone without you
Without you.

John Denver