Mother’s Day is a few days away. I am a mother. I am a grandmother. I am a great grandmother. I am too young in my mind (and in reality) to be a great grandmother, but I am not the condom police, so my control over NOT becoming the great part of the grandmother equation failed miserably. However, I like to think that I am good at all my mommy job titles.
My sister is a mother and a newly minted grandmother. Well, it has been a year, but it still seems fresh to me. She is awesome at all her mothering jobs.
Our mother is also a mother (like I even had to tell you that), a grandmother and a great grandmother. But she didn’t make the upgrade to great until she was 20 years older than me. I win! Maybe…
Unfortunately, the word great does not apply in the same context to mothering and grand mothering for my mom as it does to me, my sister, or the rest of the world.
I feel guilty just saying that.
My sister feels guilty about how she feels too – you can read this if you would like to: (http://gracefulgrandma.blogspot.com/) . It is a pretty good commentary on the situation.
My sister and I have guilt by association because we are part of a gang – a family gang. So maybe it should be guilt by RELATION. We both feel guilty about feeling guilty, but we don’t know how to 'take care of the situation' (gang speak) and we have been in this gang too many years to part ways now.
There is no winning in this guilty gang war. There is no getting out of this gang of guilt. There is no escape from corrupt parenting.
But sometimes you can't change the way you actually feel and sometimes it is ok to feel that way - sometimes you are even justified to feel as you do - but it is so hard to feel that way about someone that brought you into existence. It makes you feel GUILTY. Like there is something wrong with YOU - not HER.
So the story this year is that my sister feels guilty about not wanting to go see our mother for Mother’s Day. I feel guilty about not wanting to go see our mother for Mother’s Day. There is enough guilt between us to feed a third world country if guilt was food.
Mom is getting up there in age and what if she doesn't make it to the next Mother's Day (you guiltily tell yourself)! But, I have said that so many years and made the trek to see her, only to be in the same situation the next year, that I have lost count.
No guilt visit this year, but I did send a gift. I am sure my sister did too. I am sure they will be ‘overwhelming’ to our mother and she will feel guilty because we spent over $20 and the gifts are something new – not stuff of yard sale or rummage sale lore. It doesn’t really matter; she will take it back anyway (I even enclosed the receipt for her - to save time). I don’t care though; you have to pick your battles…
I hope my sister and I never put our children in the family gang of guilt. Guilt is an ugly thing to pass on to your children.
I don’t know what my sister is going to do for her Mother’s Day. I hope her 4 children shower her with gifts and love galore. I hope somehow she manages to be guilt free for the entire day!
Me? I am going camping in my new (used – but new to us) motorhome! And as soon as I get in the passenger seat of that RV and drive out of my driveway, I am going to leave that guilt at the house. Happy Mother’s Day to me!!
Also, Happy Mother’s Day all you mothers out there! I would have felt guilty if I had forgotten to wish everyone HMD...