High Anxiety - Not The Movie

I always thought I was ‘sheltered.’ I avoided crowds, parties, new situations, untraversed places, even vending machines because I thought of myself as ‘shy’ and was unable to feel comfortable with things that were new to me. An unfamiliar gas station could almost send me into a panic and when I was close to an empty tank I always hoped & prayed that I could just squeeze a few more miles out of it so that maybe I could get to a station I knew and pump my gas with sheer abandon! I thought I was young. I thought I was inexperienced. I thought it was all a part of growing up. I thought it was NORMAL.

Apparently it is not.

There is a diagnosis for it. But back then I didn’t know what it was.

As I matured, my ‘shyness’ did not diminish. But it did not intensify either. It was just always there – in the background – screaming, “Don’t use that vending machine! You will regret it!” “No! Don’t stop THERE – you have never been THERE before.” “Punch your decorative throw pillow!” “That Taco Bell might be different than the last one – don’t go in!”

Now I am old and my affliction has reared its ugly head with abandon.

The ‘shyness’ was, shall we say, a misdiagnosis on my part. I had/have/has/did/done/do an ‘anxiety disorder.’ It is now full on, balls to the walls, non-stop, want to scream like a monkey 95% of the time – anxiety – and I am proud to say that I have the medication to prove it.

I am speaking of this today because I am in an unfamiliar situation (which is a polite way of saying that I am currently being screwed). Every few seconds I have to stop, breath, and remind myself that it is ok. Calm down.

I never thought I would get to a place in my life when I looked forward to taking ANY medication! But, ahhh, those sweet yellow pills.

Does anyone else need one? I have one more refill left until my new medical plan kicks in and they start charging a prescription deductible. Yay, a monetary reason to take one of my pills!

So many reasons….so few pills….does anyone remember the acronym you are supposed to use that alerts you to the signs of a person having a stroke?

Just wondering.