Tuesday, April 7, 2015

When Dealing WIth Buffalos - Read The Fine Print

Sometimes, just when you think all is lost in the world, to your surprise the planets align, the stars shine their brightest, God winks in your direction and you get your very own buffalo head.

Now, that kind of providence doesn’t just happen every day! I mean you have to be pretty special to get a buffalo head. Something that remarkable does not happen to just the run of mill, muddling through life, pedestrian humans. There are many individuals out there that do not appreciate the magnificence of the grand animal – which is shocking! They don’t want the planets to align, or the stars to shine, or God to even look in their direction in regard to taxidermy – and they don’t understand MY obsession. But I can’t concern myself with those kinds of trifling people. Those that know me understand.

Such a glorious day as was described above happened to me yesterday. I was beside myself with joy. I was engulfed in a world of pure taxidermy elation because I had won a taxidermy buffalo head of my dreams in an auction on eBay. There is no greater high.

But everyone is aware that with great pleasure – comes great pain. My pain came in the form of the ‘fine print’ I had not noticed in the Second Chance Offer sent to me. I hadn’t noticed the message the seller had included in that offer which said he had several ‘other’ heads and I could have one if I accepted his offer. I thought I was getting the buffalo pictured in the auction.

I was not.

Because my excitement did not let me read fine print!

I was getting a buffalo I had never met! Never even viewed! There are NO blind dates in the world of taxidermy! It just isn’t done!

When questioned, the seller offered up pictures of ‘my’ buffalo. This poor creature was a cross between Eeyore (you know – ‘thanks for noticing me’), a drunk that had been punched in the nose, and Don King.

My mind reeled, my hands shook, my heart raced. How could something so right, go so wrong? No, my mind screamed – not to me…don’t do this to ME

I can’t take it, I am not strong enough. I begged God to take away this pain – and – that awful replica of my dream head. (Get your mind out the gutter – or is that just me?)

We have emailed back and forth and I have been offered the possibility of multiple other heads (again – mind – gutter – or only me) and the pictures of them should be sent to me in the next day or two. I hope one screams, “Pick ME, Pick ME!” But I don’t know, I am pretty taxidermy picky.

So the ecstasy and the agony continue. My fireplace waits to hang my prize in all its glory – if indeed I get a prize. I may just get my money back.

Oh, mercy me, the horror of it all. The lost innocence.

I will let you my dear readers, know of the final outcome, be it good or be it bad; be it happy or be it sad. I am strong. You be strong from me too…

1 comment:

  1. The suspense is almost too unbearable !! Waiting with Buffalo Breath to find out the results of this dilemma !